Dusting off the pen...

Time to start blogging again!

The Kaossilator

I have to get one of these and in no time at all I will be turning out tunes like Phil Oakey.

Women Part 2

Why do they spend the entire relationship trying to mold you and change you into something that they want and when you finally do change they don't want to know. Why are relationships so complex. I heard a quote which sums women up "If a man says something in a forest and no woman hears him is he still wrong?" No matter what you do guys you will always be in the wrong and if you are the nicest guy in the world you will end up getting shit on. Nice guys finish last and thats the truth. Be a cunt to them and they come back for more. Crazy.

Women

Why do they spend all their time trying to change and mold you and then when you finally do change they leave you? You pour your heart out to them and offer them everything they ever wanted and for what? Nothing. Five years I invested and I had nothing in return. It's the single life for me for a while. Well maybe not...

Bloody Broadband.

I pay for a 20mb connection with Virgin Media. So I would imagine that I would get between 15mb - 20 mb. 15 mb when there is a lot of traffic. Would you say that was reasonable? Well I phone Virgin Media and they warned me that I could experience lows of 6mb which is more or less a quarter of the speed they told me I would get. Do you smell something a little fishy here? It's 11 o'clock on a Friday night and I am getting 11.6mb download and 0.7 upload. I get the feeling I am being conned. What a fucking liberty. What the hell am I paying for. If I buy a car I don't expect just the front half I expect the whole fucking thing. How the hell can these bastard companies get away with this? It's fraud plain and simple and this is not just Virgin Media, this is all broadband providers. What is Ofcom doing about this? Fuck all that's what. I just checked it again, 12mb download and 0.7mb upload.

This is the shit they sell you on there website. "It's here! 20Mb broadband for XL customers. That's right from May 1st our flagship XL broadband service is rolling out to a supersonic 20Mb. Although the existing 10Mb service is already four times faster than other industry players, we've decided to step on the gas and double the speed.
Download an MP3 track in 2 seconds or an episode of your favourite TV show in just two and a half minutes".

Is it bollocks, It looks like the public is being ripped off yet again.

To quote Which? Online Editor Malcolm Coles:

"It’s shocking that Internet service providers can advertise ever-increasing speeds that seem to bear little resemblance to what most people can achieve in reality. If it’s unlikely you’ll reach the advertised speed it should be made clear up front, so that you know with some certainty what you’re buying. Do your research to check what speed you’re likely to get before upgrading, and if you think what you’re getting differs vastly from what you’ve paid for, speak to your provider – or if they won’t help, report them to Ofcom."

find out your broadband speed

complain to ofcom

Erectile Problems?

I guess we all get those e-mails asking you to by Viagra or make your nob bigger. I just checked my email and noticed some from a Chinese firm and some how the ad has been lost in translation.

"Chicks always laughed at me and even youths did in the unrestricted comfort station!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 5 months and now my putz is badly bigger than average".

"Girls always laughed at me and even fellows did in the federal john!
Well, now I smil at them, because I took Mega. Dik
for 6 months and now my pecker is much more than world".

"Womens always whizgiggled at me and even bucks did in the unrestricted lavatory!
Well, now I whoop at them, because I took M_E GA D IK
for 3 months and now my prick is very much largest than usual".

Wierd..

Accident Adverts

I guess you have all seen those adverts for people who have suffered injuries at work. "I sued the company because someone gave me the wrong ladder". Were you blessed with the gift of sight? Well if you were didn't you realise it was the wrong fucking ladder? I guess you have been doing your job for a long time? Well you should know that you need to use the right ladder. Call me stupid but thats a basic hard wired mechanism in every human being, if I put my hand into a blender it's going to hurt. Fucking moron and the other silly cow who slips on a wet floor. Open your eyes you silly mare. £7500 he had for that fall off a ladder and what else did he have for the adverts, and for what? If you see something that looks a little dodgy for example a drill with wires hanging out and sparks cascading off it, then I would hazard a guess that it might be dangerous and that I shouldn't pick it up.

Sir Ranulph Fiennes

What an absolute legend this guy is. Unbelievable man as this interview shows.