10 Annoying Things About The Jeremy Kyle Show

If you live outside the UK you probably won't have heard of him. To sum him up he's a "Happy Shopper" version of Jerry Springer. Cheap, looks crap and not as good as the more established brands.

10 Annoying Things About The Jeremy Kyle Show

1. Jeremy Kyle

2. "Isn't she brave ladies and gentlemen?" No shes not Jeremy, she's a fat slag with five bastard kids who allowed some missing link to blow his beans up her.

3. The way he preaches in such a self righteous way, "You had an affair!" Well Jeremy isn't it true you shacked up with some tart behind your wifes back?

4. Shouting "...That's a FACT!" at the end of every sentence, even when the context makes no sense e.g. "Why don't you get a job? That's a FACT!" (Er...no it isn't, Jeremy, it's a question!

5. Grabbing every opportunity to tell stories which he believes show him in a good light "I used to drive all night to see my kids without any sleep" without ever stopping to think that he actually comes out of it rather badly...what about all the other motorists on the road whose lives were endangered by his sleep-deprived driving?

6. His inability to understand the concept of the phrase 'The lie detector is 96% accurate'. This means 1 result in 25 could be wrong, but this doesn't stop him from treating the piece of paper in his hand like the Magna Carta. The closest he comes is sarcastically telling the alleged liar "Oooooh, so I suppose you're one of the 4%?" Well, yes. They could be. But then to admit that does rather urinate on Jerry's next angry rant. Speaking of which:

7. Telling naughty guests "I'm going to give you both barrels" as if he's Charles Dickens promising an audience another master work, rather than a rabble-rousing daytime TV ringmaster stating the bleeding obvious, remembering to build a crescendo in the last sentence so his lackeys in the audience know when to applaud.

8. I loathe (but perversely look forward to) Mr Kyle berrating the guest villain (usually absent father/drunk mother etc) then when they burst into tears I HATE it when he says 'I know underneath it all you are a good person.....' No he's not, he's a jobless weed smoking cock who has never and will never contribute to society.

9. It's on my telly

10. "Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me!"

I can't take total responsibility for this entire top 10, I got a few from a digital spy forum, but they were too good to leave out.

The Amazing Jonathan

It's not often I watch a Magician and go wow! but this magician is a little bit special. I bought tickets to go and see this guy in Las Vegas. Unfortunately I went through the wrong door and sat in the front row and to my surprise I ended up watching "The Crazy Girls". My girlfriend wasn't too impressed. In case you didn't know the Crazy Girls are strippers.

Change Your Lifestyle

These change your lifestyle programs when some skinny litlle pretty boy twat who has never been fat in his life preaches to people the size of small houses about eating the right kind of food and doing exercise. I wouldn't mind the advice but it's the patronising way that they do it. "Look at this burger, that's death on a plate", we know fatty food is bad for us, we know that cigarettes are bad for us and we know that alcohol is bad for us but it tastes so fucking good. A Big Mac, lambert and Butler washed down with a Southern Comfort and lemonade, theres nothing better. Problem is I keep getting these chest pains ....... and a pain down my arm........ughhh.......ahhh..........(slump)

Phone-ins Again...

So these TV phone in quizes are a fix, suprise, suprise these include Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, Richard and Judy, Mint Mansion, Big Brother, Stars on Ice, GMTV, X Factor, This Morning, Saturday Kitchen and many more. In fact all of them are ripping us off. It's fraud plain and simple. People need to be prosecuted for this and those people who rang in should have there money back. We need to make an example of these conning bastards.Im absolutely disgusted they have got away with it for so long. They should all be stopped until we are satisfied that they are run in a legal and fair way.

Talent Shows

I have just caught the end of the BBC's talent show "any dream will do". Where a bunch of singing teeth battle it out to become the next Joseph and his amazing technicolour dreamcoat. Stop with these fucking talent shows, aren't there enough already! For FUCKS SAKE! If this is what im paying my license fee for then I went to opt out, put a film on put repeats of old shows but whatever you do stop with the fucking talent contests! I don't care if these polished little pretty boys want to be famous, I just don't care and I am sure that there are a lot of other people out there who want decent entertainment on a Saturday night. On TV at the moment there seems to be a diet of talent shows and late night phone-ins.

We don't have to put up with this, I would suggest you join me by picking up your remote control or any heavy object close to hand and throwing it violently at your television.

Bastard Moaning...

Surely that is not oldskoolmacboy as a baby!

I will be back with a barrage of posts, as soon as I clear my current back log of work so as I can pay taxes our British government uses to incubate knob heads...

Ever cynical...
Abracadabra

Moaning Bastard

me as a baby

If you have read through this blog you will probably form an opinion of me. I wouldn't be suprised if that opinion was of a right wing, hateful, moaning old git who shows off, likes materialistic things, has an opinion on everything, can't spell and his grammar is poor and you would be kind of right. But I have a vision for this country dare I say it the world. Thats of endless rows of huf houses with Milk desks, speed bumpless streets, the absence of hot hatchbacks and rap, no tax, no religion, no phone in shows and peace and quiet. Thats all I ask is just a little bit of peace and quiet.

Rip Off Britain

I have just been watching Newsnight, and Jan Raven (dead ringers) said that Gordon Brown is a nice guy and we should all get off his back and judge him on what he has done as a chancellor. Am I missing something? House prices climbing, inflation's rising, wages aren't rising in line with inflation, the average young couple can't afford a mortgage, a lack of investment in schools and colleges, the NHS on its arse, record personal lending, pension shortfall, young cunts on the street causing mayhem and then hiding behind the law when they get reprimanded, extortionate road tax, extortionate tax on your hard earned money. Well done Gordon you have done a great job!

Come election time if you are as pissed of as I am with this government and all the other parties then make a protest vote by not voting. I don't want Gordon as PM and I can't remember the government asking us who we want as our prime minister. some times these arseholes lose sight of the fact they are here to serve us and not help themselves.