Your deep in in the middle of Eastenders or Bargain Hunt and then suddenly "bring bring" your phone goes. So you get up and go and answer the phone. Some twat from Bangladesh calling on behalf of Banana Telecom tries to give you a cheap crap phone and your not interested and you couldn't give a toss. All your concerned about is if Angie has taken an overdose and will Lofty ever find out who's the father of Michelle's baby (OK so I haven't watched Eastenders for a while). Here's what you can do if this situation arises.
1. Put the phone down
2. Tell them to Fuck Off
3. Sign up for a free phone at an extortionate rate.
3. Tell them that you are giving them the phone as a gift and that all property is theft and would they like to join your temple. That totally throws them off.
4. Smear your face in animal droppings, romp to the nearest Banana Telecom call center, Scale the building, lay down a suppressing fire with your SA80 as you storm in through the office window. Tie and blindfold everyone and kill a hostage on the hour every hour until your demands of no more calls from Banana Telecom are met.
5. Hang up and then sign up to the TPS (telephone preferencing service). The TPS was set up by the government to stop unwanted sales calls. You go onto a central database and if anyone calls you can prosecute them. It is unlawful to make unsolicited direct marketing calls to individuals who have indicated that they do not want to receive such calls. See what happens if you mention the TPS next time you get a call, they shit themselves.
TPS
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