Hero of the Month

Sir Ranulph Fiennes

Thrown out of the SAS for blowing up one of the sets of Dr Dolittle. Forgot where he parked his Peugeot 203 when stationed in Germany never found it again. In 2000, he attempted to walk solo and unsupported to the North Pole. The expedition failed when his sleds fell through weak ice and Fiennes was forced to pull them out by hand. He sustained severe frostbite to the tips of several fingers, forcing him to abandon the attempt. On returning home, his surgeon insisted the necrotic fingertips be retained for several months (to allow re-growth of the remaining healthy tissue) prior to amputation. Impatient at the pain the dying fingertips caused, Fiennes removed them himself (in his garden shed) with an electric saw (his first attempt using a hacksaw met limited success). He ran seven marathons in seven days on seven continents and all four months after a heart bypass operation.

26th October - Race 1: Patagonia, South America
27th October - Race 2: Falkland Islands, "Antarctica"
28th October - Race 3: Sydney, Australia
29th October - Race 4: Singapore, Asia
30th October - Race 5: London, Europe
31st October - Race 6: Cairo, Africa
1st November - Race 7: New York, North America

He has to special hand-made pants because of the enormous size of his balls.

Hero of the Month

I recently found out that Bob Ross died of cancer back in 1995. I am absolutely gutted. For those who haven't heard of Bob he was the presenter of "The Joy of Painting" Who always had a smile and a kind word to say. Who used to take in homeless squirrels and owls.

Bob Ross quotes,

Bob painted "happy little trees"

When beating his brush to clean it he describes it as "beating the devil out of it"

"we don't make mistakes, we just have happy accidents."

"Everybody needs a friend"

"God was having a good day when He made Alaska"

"All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there I will come to your house and I will cut you."

I don't think he is dead. Not really, Bob can't die, I reckon he just got bored with with is growing celebrity status and retired to the Alaskan woods with his squirrel pea-pod who lives in his afro with the owl and a sparrow. Maybe if you take a trip to the Alaskan forests you may (if your very lucky) catch a fleeting glimpse of Bob painting his happy little trees.

Bonus Twat of the Month

I have just watched celebrity scissorhands and I have found somebody that I couldn't resist nominating as twat of the month. I remember the ex-red coat trying to impress Nigel Benn by saying that he was "from the streets", what streets are those Darren? The gun totting streets of Colchester? Living day to day avoiding drive by eggings. Peace out Darren Dawg.

Gadget of The Month

I just purchased a brand new Intel 15" Mac Book Pro and what an absoloutely gorgeous piece of kit, as a matter of fact I am writing this blog on it. It comes with built in I-sight, backlit keyboard, Garage Band and loads of other nice goodies. A ***** five star rating

Picture of the Month

Rasputin in the ear of a cat

Quote of the Month

"The pen is mightier than the sword. But I know which one I would rather be stabbed in the tit with". - Willam Shakespear

Twat of the Month

Tim Westwood
Tim Westwood is a British rap DJ and presenter of the BBC Radio 1 Rap Show. He also presents the UK version of the MTV show Pimp My Ride. He's often referred to by other DJs and artists appearing on his shows simply as Westwood - he also uses the nickname the Big Dawg.

Born 3 October 1957. He is the product of a Vicar and a math teacher, and grew up in a quaint village in Lowestoft, Suffolk.

Coming straight outta Suffolk!