Messing With Your Mind..

A classic clip of Derren Brown on the tube making people forget the stop they are getting off at. I have always been interested in influencing peoples minds and getting them to do my bidding. I want to find out how he does this witchcraft and I will report back in later blogs with my attempts at mind control...

Why Global Warming Is Good

We all know global warming is a problem, but how much of a problem is it? There are upsides. The above photo shows what would happen if the world three main ice sheets melted. As you can see most of London is under water. Is that a strong enough argument on it's own? Last year was the hottest summer for 340 years and it seemed to go on forever. Can you see every cloud has a silver lining. Ok so that silver lining is probably caused by pollution and Ok so in the future you wont be able to stay out in the sun for more than 30 seconds without your face blistering and falling off because of harmful rays. But thats a small price to pay, so turn all your lights on, put all you recycled rubbish in a black bag, buy a petrol guzzling 4x4 and global warming hear we come.

OJ Simpson Gotcha

A really funny prank on former American footballer and alleged brutal murderer of his wife and her boyfriend. Obviously OJ is completely innocent and didn't kill his wife. I have faith in the American courts! The made the right decision even though he was covered in blood and he did try and leave the scene of the crime and was chased by police live on TV.Anyway this is a classic clip from the Friday Night Armistice

Nostalgia Corner

The previous post started me off on a two hour internet trip down nostalgia lane. I had little flash backs to my youth of riding around with my mates on my Raleigh Burner pulling endos and bunny hops. How come you never seem to get tired riding around on your BMX when your a kid. Now if you ask me to do a workout on an exercise bike and I would feel tired just thinking about it. I always wanted a Skyway TA or a Street Beat but I could never afford one. Anyway heres a link to a collection of cool old BMX's.

Old BMX's

Squeal Or No Squeal

I was looking for a candidate for twat of the month and I instantly thought of Noel. But I couldn't bring myself to nominate him as twat of the month. I have a soft spot for Noel even though he is a bit of a nob, with a beard and a strange buffont hair-do. I still remember him from Swap Shop and how one Glorious Saturday morning in the 70's I swapped a collection of my sisters Barbie dolls for an actionman command tower. My sister never forgave me for that so much so a few weeks later she bit the fingers of my Action Men. I had to cellotape their hands to their guns. Did you know you could get official Noel merchandise? well me neither, I stumbled across this site whilst looking for info on Noel. I apologies in advance for making you cringe.

Official Noel Ware

A Deep Thought Provoking Joke

Confucius walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything"

NHS Violence...

Apparently Violence costs NHS '£100m a year'

Well, if you gear the country to empower the scum, the shit and the lazy - what do you expect? It is the year 2007 and still sections of the general public have no respect for a life saving system that is being pushed to it's financial and practical limits...

Any cunt who punches a Doctor or Nurse, should be banned from using the NHS... Oh No!, we can't have that, what about human rights blah blah blah... Perhaps, the human rights and civil liberties lot can pay for the knob-heads to go to special hospitals where you can get world class medical treatment whilst abusing the person administering it...

Fucking Morons...
Abracadabra

Designer Toys

Urban Vinyl? Whats that? Well it's toys designed by cutting edge designers. They usually come in highly collectable limited edition runs usually from 50 to 2000. I have started collecting a few of these cool little characters. Could be an antique of the future. Check out this link for all the latest news on these cool little toys.

Vinyl Pulse

Badges, badges, badges

This is an excellent site full of these unique badges. I love the take on the Apple logo.

prickie.com

Design Resource

For all you budding design gurus. I found a very good resource. Lots of links to stock photography,vector clip art, fonts, logo types, sounds, Photoshop brushes and Poser downloads and icon resources.

www.bluevertigo.com

Pocket Calculator...

Kraftwerk - the finest electronic band in the world, playing a special version of Pocket Calculator on Italian TV. These German guys are so super efficient they even sing in Italian...

If you don't know about Kraftwerk or the massive contribution they have made to the development of modern music - FIND OUT!

I AM ADDING, THEN SUBTRACTING...
Abracadabra

Quote Of The Month

“You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you got music.” - Sid Vicious

Reclaim Your Bank Charges

Ever been charged £35 from your bank or credit card company just to receive a letter to tell you your overdrawn or late on a payment? I bet you have. Well did you know its unlawful? Guess what you can claim all these charges back. Watch the video and it will make sense. we are being ripped off and Im getting my money back as of today.

Religion

This is 21st Century and we still have masses of people who believe in religion. Religion is dying out in Europe well it’s dying out amongst the richer nations. I remember when I was a kid that most people went to Sunday school and believed in god. I was told that is the truth and not to question it. But somewhere deep inside it didn’t quite ring true. Adam and Eve, snakes, Noah’s ark, the parting of the red sea and Jesus turning water into wine. I always thought of Jesus as some sort of Paul Daniels figure doing tricks with loaves and fishes and stuff to impress his mates. But because I was young and impressionable I bought into it. Everybody else believes it so I guess they must be right. Problem was I got older and educated and I started to think for myself and Im not having it. What a load of crap. I was lied to.
What is it? It’s about control, it’s a way of people controlling people. Getting the masses to do your bidding and keeping order. It’s been the same since the dawn of time, the Incas worshipped Inti the sun god, Christians worshipped God, Muslims worship Allah and you know what? Not one of them can prove they exist. In fact I will give anyone £5000 if they can prove to me god exists in any form. No bullshit. I will give you £5000 ($9000) if any one person can prove to me god exists. This offer stands for the rest of time. Im deadly serious.
The one really scary thing for religious people is they can’t face the fact that when they die there is nothing. Thats it. Your dead. No more just decomposing flesh turning into dust. Thats to painful for them to comprehend for a second. Allah is fictitious, a mythical figure with no more grounding in reality than Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Sorry to burst your bubble about Santa kids. Same applies to God, Jesus, Buddha whoever. Made up fairy stories. Why are they all vying for competition. My god is the one true god! Islam states “There is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and Muhammad is his messenger”. Statements like this is how wars start.
Are you as sick as I am with all this religious shit you hear day to day? Well you can shut up any religious nut who starts preaching this mumbo jumbo with two words “prove it”. They will probably reply with bullshit about it is written in the Koran and so it must be true, to which you reply “prove it”. But you will go to hell if you do not believe! “prove it”.
Thing is they can’t prove it.
I was thinking of starting my own religion. The church of Toblerone. We will worship the sacred triangular chocolate and so it is written in the book of confectionery there can be only one true deity and that deity is Toblerone. Milk chocolate heavenliness with little nougat bits. Maybe other opposing chocolate religions will form and we will have a big chocolate war YEAH! You may thing Im talking complete bull shit and you would be right, but Im just trying to illustrate a point.

Series: Rip-Off Britain (House Prices)

Oh, How I can't wait for the prices of 'penthouse' flats to crash!

The labour government states that Britain is enjoying unprecedented economic growth and prosperity. Interest rates have never been so low! (Woo Hoo!!)

The rates maybe low, but this is compensated by first time buyers having to shell out £150K for a used ex-council house on some shitty estate. Whatever way they spin it, property in the UK is a complete fucking rip-off.

Don't bother moving here unless you are some sort of political refugee or intend to house share with 50 other people who should not really be here.

Sure the late eighties saw horrendous double digit interest rates, but at least the sale price for the property was not a rip-off value equivalent to 10 times the average UK salary.

Thanks Gordon...

Britain Is Fucked
Abracadabra

Rocket Chair

These Japanese are nuts, no regard for health and safety. Phil Mackie where are you when we need you.

Keynotes for Dummies!

Just in case anyone thought I was faltering from my stern, religious, cult like following of Apple...

The guy in the video is Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, a nice guy, yet a complete tit on the stage. Look at him, he looks like a tubby bounding toddler... Looks like the 'Keynotes for Dummies' book did not work.

There is only one master of the Keynote... STEVE JOBS.

Developers, Developers, Developers
Abracadabra

John The Revelator

A little gem of a unofficial animated music video created by an outraged American who happens to be a Depeche Mode fan. The track used is from the band's latest album 'Playing The Angel'.

Anyone who sees through big W's horse shit and likes Depeche Mode is alright in my book! Thank fuck a president can only have two terms in office. I say bring back Bill Clinton via some special amendment - yeah I know he was far from perfect, but I'd much rather a guy who likes burgers and blow jobs over some FuckPuppet war president.

Enjoy The Silence
Abracadabra

Live Maps...

Check out that shadow...

I must say I am rather impressed with the Windows Live Mapping service that is being offered by Microsoft - especially the 3D imagery it offers. If you want to see what your house looks like from above at an angle (with shadows), check out:

maps.live.com

Because I am Worth It...
Abracadabra

Twat Of The Month (last one I swear)

Howard

Who gives you extra? Ill give you fucking extra you spectacled bastard. This dancing nonce with his coke bottle glasses god I have a deep rooted hatred for him. The latest ad is the best. That fat bird wobbling around like a ball of cholesterol in a suit. Please stop with this ad campaign Halifax. I have to turn over every-time it comes on. It aggravates me that much. Who makes these ads. I will avoid Halifax, I wont even use one of their cash points because I am angered so much. Unless the standards in Britain improve you are going to find me naked, smeared in animal droppings with a high powered rifle on top of a high building taking pot shots at passers by.

Celebrity Lookalikey

Horsey-Dinho

Ronaldinho and a laughing horse.

Celebrity Lookalikey

Carlton Pob

Ex Leeds Utd footballer Carlton Palmer and that strange TV puppet Pob. Twins seperated at birth?

TV Show Of The Month

Top Gear

Yay! Its back and better than ever. The TV show your telly was made for. The Hamster is not dead! Yay! Probably the best thing on TV at the moment. Hammond doesn't seem to have any affects from his accident, Clarkson is still bitter and twisted and May is well .....May. Its on Sundays around 9.00pm on BBC2 If you haven't seen it you must. You don't have to be a petrol head to watch it. 10/10

Hero Of The Month

Stephen Fry

Has to be one of the cleverist and most interesting people on TV. A flawed character who has excellent use of the English language and every sentence he seems to utter is interesting. How can you cram all that knowledge into one head. One of the people I would like to be stuck on a desert island with. One second Ill take that back, Stephen is a homosexual so maybe not, he may want to touch my winkie.

Ok Last Twat Of The Month

Slang, Imported Sayings And The Misuse Of The English Language

This is something that has bothered me for a long time. I hate the use of imported American sayings. For example the saying 24 7. "Yeah I have been working on this 24 7", what? Oh you mean you've been working on this "all night" or "very hard" or have you really been working on this 24-hours a day 7 days a week? Didn't you eat or poo? or sleep? Fuck me you have been working hard, I'm surprised you are not hallucinating from lack of sleep and your guts must be full of poo you poor thing.
Even my mother said to me that she wanted to go home and "chill out", chill out? Have you had a hard day on the bong mum? Been up clubbing all night. Somehow it just seems wrong.

Bling???? It such a fucking stupid saying, Bling! Bling! It sounds like a chinese phone! That stupid advert about toothpaste with a black girl with a posh accent who says something like "maybe it's because my teeth are my bling". It sounds so out of place.

Another one that fucking aggravates me is "give it up". This has been creeping into TV shows with live audiences. "Can you give it up for Janet who has just one a washing machine?" Give what up? Give up smoking? Give up fatty foods? It's nonsense. Why not just say can you give her a round of applause.

The next thing I am going to mention maybe obvious to some and a totally unrealised phenomenon to others. This seems to have crept in from Australian TV like Neighbors and Home and Away. It's the way every sentence is a question? They will give you the answer to something but the tone of the sentence will sound like a question? Watch out for it?

Even I'm doing it.

By the way does anybody else think that Mark Lamar is a twat or is it just me?

Windows Vista

3D Windows, Man!

So have you downloaded, borrowed - uh hum, I mean purchased Microsoft Vista 'Ultimate' yet? If so, I hope you are enjoying the 'new' experience that us Mac Users have relished for some years now... Still, this is not going to be some rambling attack at Microsoft - in fact I am glad they are they are starting to get their 'shit' together and offer a better user experience with liquid graphics and a recycle bin that looks like a trash can. Further, with features such as translucency, 3D views, gadgets and abstract desktop wallpaper - I am positivley drooling and cannot wait to create a new virtual machine in Parallels for this baby, although M$ may have something to say about that (a whole other rant I shall save for a rainy day!).

Despite my obvious sarcasm, Vista is indeed a positive step forward for both the consumer and business user. For twenty or so years, Microsoft has got away with and made billions from the 'that will do' model. Now time has caught up with the guys from Redmond, as after two decades of computing - users are now far more sophisticated. In 1981, the very fact the DOS prompt appeared was enough. When Windows 1.0 emerged, the fact that you did not have to use the DOS prompt so much was enough. When Windows 95 kind of worked, that was enough. You get the idea...

Hopefully Microsoft understand they can no longer churn out third rate products that users lap up by default. With Vista, I really think they are beginning to turn a corner - even if that means pinching a few ideas from Apple.

Abort, Error, Re-try
Abracadabra

Celebrity Lookalikey

Stretch Ramsey

"It looks nothing F***ing like me! You C**T!"

Celebity Morph Of The Month

Malkospears

If John Malkovich and Britney Spears had a baby it might look something like this. Stick a wig on it and I would.

Celebrity Lookalikey

Britney Malkovich

If your interested you can bid on her hair on Ebay.com.
Only in America.

Another Twat Of The Month

Speed Bumps

I promise I will try and be a bit more upbeat in the next few posts Im finding loads of things that piss me off but these things matter, we have got to have standards. Ok here we go. Speed bumps, why do we need so many? Two reasons I know of. 1 To stop little cunts in stolen cars speeding in residential areas and 2 to stop boy racers speeding in residential areas. Both valid reasons for having speed bumps but if your in a stolen car bombing through a council estate the last thing your going to do is slow down for a speed bump, in fact they speed up. The 2nd reason is valid and I can't think of a better way of slowing down traffic but do we need to have so many. I went to see my parents who live 15 minutes away and I went over 150 speed bumps. Why so many and what damage is it doing to my car?

Yet Another Twat Of The Month

Celebrity Game Shows

Can ITV, BBC, Channel 5 and Sky One please stop with the celebrity gameshows. Stars on horses, stars dancing ballroom, stars on ice, stars in the circus, stars on cows, stars under pressure, stars on crack. Every week there seems to be a new one. I like the way they use the term celebrity, I have never heard of half of them.
Heres a quick test. Who is?

Lara Bingle?

Stefan Booth?

Clare Buckfield?

Jake Wall?

Do you know? Me neither I've never heard of them but they are part of the celebrity line up on ITV latest thing of celebrities on Ice.

Don't get me wrong I like Im a celebrity get me out of here and celebrity big brother, you get to watch celebirities exposed and all the character defects and tantrums that go with it. But this seems to be the trend with channels lately. They produce a hit and the other channels follow suit. I would like to see more creative programmes, decent comedys or dramas or documentaries thats not to much to ask is it? Wheres our license fee being spent BBC? It comes back to the itemised bill thing that I mentioned in a previous rant. Can I have an itemised bill please BBC. I want to know where my money is being spent. Who wants to watch Duncan from Blue skating around looking like a tit?

Special: Twat From Across The Pond

Hello, my name is 'Salad Fingers'... Um I mean 'abracadabra', and oldskoolmacboy has kindly allowed me to contribute to Toys Go Boom. I would like to start with a special dig at Britney 'FuckPig' Spears (I know, I know... she is down on her luck and perhaps deserves a break but fuck that - her stunts are pissing me off).

Very recently the silly cunt shaved all her hair off in some vain attempt to look like the very sexy Demi Moore in G.I. Jane (a source close to Britney confirmed this to my mate Frank in a London boozer). However, it did not quite work out that way (see picture) and now the sad twat is all over the entertainment news because she lost it for five minutes with a set of clippers. Perhaps this may be a cry for help, or is it some kind of sick publicity stunt - it does seem interesting that crystal clear pictures of the skit were in circulation within hours. I mean, when was the last time you gawped at pictures of Britney inside a salon?

Apparently, she has now checked into 'rehab' to confront her massive heroin - ooops!, I mean 'attention seeking' habit, whilst some guy is selling her old locks on eBay or something. On hearing this K-Fed started a new enterprise after pulling Britney's old pubes from his teeth. However, you know I am only kidding as we all know Britney has a rather unappealing pussy that is bald and dry - then again maybe K-Fed kept the shavings in a baggy and smoked them on accident! Who knows...

Now, you probably realise I don't care much for Miss Spears - I acknowledge her first single was a musical masterpiece and that her contribution to popular culture is of mythic proportion. Still, she remains a TWAT for the following reasons:

1. Britney is now one of the most popular girls names in Britain
2. She let K-Fed touch her and stuff...
3. She went 'commando' with Paris 'Ornate Cunt' Hilton and ruined a million school boy fantasies...
4. She produces, um sings on crappy over-produced radio friendly records that require a ton of vocal processing and sonic compression.
5. She shaved her head and actually looks like a twat

Well, that is my tirade over... I look forward to your comments (good and bad). I also look especially forward to Britney's megatastic comeback!

All The Very Best
Abracadabra

Twat Of The Month

Big Issue Sellers

I don't want to buy a dirty stinking copy of your magazine and don't mumble obsenities as I walk way. We should encourage people to buy them but lose the attitude smelly!

Bonus Twat Of The Month

The Smoking Ban

Yes I am a smoker but I thought hey thats a good idea banning smoking in restaurants and clubs. It will aid me giving up smoking and thats a good thing. But I started thinking why are the government so keen to stop people smoking? One main reason is the strain it puts on the National Health Service. Well what about obesity? "In the UK, about two-thirds (66 per cent) of adults are now overweight or obese. Of these, 22 per cent of men and 23 per cent of women are obese (at least two to three stone overweight), meaning their weight is putting their health at considerable risk. The level of obesity has tripled in the past 20 years, and is still rising". Shouldn't we be attacking obesity at the same time as smoking? Obesity kills more people than smoking.


Another thing I heard a doctor on one of these daytime programmes say that they could refuse to treat patients if they were smokers. I tell you what Doc you will fucking treat me if Im ill because myself and every other smokers has payed for the treatment we get about ten times over thanks to the hideous amount of tax we pay on cigarettes. I probably payed for your Mercedes and Mrs Smith down the road payed for your wifes boob op.

Smoking is bad for you and all smokers are aware of that and they should try and quit but its not as easy as it seems. here's a thought! Why don't all the major brands bring out a range of nictoine free cigarettes. Maybe that would help me give up.

Bonus Twat Of The Month

Modified Cars

Why do these guys do it? It looks shit! Buy a crap standard hatchback for £8000 and spend £16000 modifying it into a hideous lump of distorted plastic? and another thing guys I don't know one girl who dropped her panties and said fuck me bacause some spotty little 17 year old did a wheel spin in his Citreon Saxo. FUCK OFF!

Twat Of The Month

Gun Crime / Hoodies

Why is Britain on it's arse and why is there a rise in gun crime in Britain? Five reasons

1. Lack of discipline in schools and home. People are frightened of these little bastards. But they are also too frightened to do anything. If you catch some little prick breaking into your car or house then you are to frightened to give them a quick left hook because you will probably end up with a criminal record for GBH. These little fuckers need to realise that if they do something wrong the consequences are swift and harsh. But theres nothing for these kids to do. They have more choice than ever. Sport, community centres, games consoles, internet, cinema and much more, I wish I had the choice these kids had when I was a kid.

2. Bad education. The quailty of education is poor. Too many kids in one class and teachers who are underqualified to teach. No discipline in the classroom.

3. Gangster Rap. These kids role models are assholes that preach violence and criminality. They emulate their heroes. It's just a shame these kids heroes are criminals. If they had more positive role models things would be a lot different.

4. Parents need to be positive role models in their childrens lives and guys if you don't want kids stick a rubber on your cock. Ladies if your not on the pill and some dickhead blows his beans up you theres a chance you might get pregnant.

5. The government needs to be stricter on who gets benefit. Too many people leaching off the tax payer. Oh and we have to be the most taxed country in the world. You know what I want my money back, im not getting value for it. I would like an itemised bill to see exactly what my cash is being spent on. I can guarantee a big chunk goes to this work shy underclass.