Bonus Twat Of The Month

The Smoking Ban

Yes I am a smoker but I thought hey thats a good idea banning smoking in restaurants and clubs. It will aid me giving up smoking and thats a good thing. But I started thinking why are the government so keen to stop people smoking? One main reason is the strain it puts on the National Health Service. Well what about obesity? "In the UK, about two-thirds (66 per cent) of adults are now overweight or obese. Of these, 22 per cent of men and 23 per cent of women are obese (at least two to three stone overweight), meaning their weight is putting their health at considerable risk. The level of obesity has tripled in the past 20 years, and is still rising". Shouldn't we be attacking obesity at the same time as smoking? Obesity kills more people than smoking.


Another thing I heard a doctor on one of these daytime programmes say that they could refuse to treat patients if they were smokers. I tell you what Doc you will fucking treat me if Im ill because myself and every other smokers has payed for the treatment we get about ten times over thanks to the hideous amount of tax we pay on cigarettes. I probably payed for your Mercedes and Mrs Smith down the road payed for your wifes boob op.

Smoking is bad for you and all smokers are aware of that and they should try and quit but its not as easy as it seems. here's a thought! Why don't all the major brands bring out a range of nictoine free cigarettes. Maybe that would help me give up.

Bonus Twat Of The Month

Modified Cars

Why do these guys do it? It looks shit! Buy a crap standard hatchback for £8000 and spend £16000 modifying it into a hideous lump of distorted plastic? and another thing guys I don't know one girl who dropped her panties and said fuck me bacause some spotty little 17 year old did a wheel spin in his Citreon Saxo. FUCK OFF!

Twat Of The Month

Gun Crime / Hoodies

Why is Britain on it's arse and why is there a rise in gun crime in Britain? Five reasons

1. Lack of discipline in schools and home. People are frightened of these little bastards. But they are also too frightened to do anything. If you catch some little prick breaking into your car or house then you are to frightened to give them a quick left hook because you will probably end up with a criminal record for GBH. These little fuckers need to realise that if they do something wrong the consequences are swift and harsh. But theres nothing for these kids to do. They have more choice than ever. Sport, community centres, games consoles, internet, cinema and much more, I wish I had the choice these kids had when I was a kid.

2. Bad education. The quailty of education is poor. Too many kids in one class and teachers who are underqualified to teach. No discipline in the classroom.

3. Gangster Rap. These kids role models are assholes that preach violence and criminality. They emulate their heroes. It's just a shame these kids heroes are criminals. If they had more positive role models things would be a lot different.

4. Parents need to be positive role models in their childrens lives and guys if you don't want kids stick a rubber on your cock. Ladies if your not on the pill and some dickhead blows his beans up you theres a chance you might get pregnant.

5. The government needs to be stricter on who gets benefit. Too many people leaching off the tax payer. Oh and we have to be the most taxed country in the world. You know what I want my money back, im not getting value for it. I would like an itemised bill to see exactly what my cash is being spent on. I can guarantee a big chunk goes to this work shy underclass.

Twat of the Month

Who is this guy? He's the boyfriend of a girl who's claim to fame is being the stupidest woman on TV. This guy is a hanger on, he probably targeted Jade at some club so he could get to nob a famous bird. How the fuck did he manage to chat her up. He barely speaks? and when he does its mindless drivel. "I hate Shilpa, shes a wanker". I don't like this, I don't like that, for fuck sake vote this empty headed pretty boy out of the celebrity big brother house. Fucking designer stuble and his little creepy crap moustache and his skinny pants and his boney little ass. GET HIM OFF MY TELLY!

Gadget of the Month

I watched the Apple keynote speech last night and I was amazed to see the new i-phone. I know im a big Apple fan but they seem to have nailed the the mobile (cell) phone in one hit. It just makes you think how bad the product design skills of Motorola, Nokia, Sony and the like are. The new iphone does everything. It plays movies, its a camera, phone and internet browser. The most remarkable thing is how user friendly it looks. In Europe we should expect to see it appear just before Christmas 2007. In the States some time in the summer and early 2008 in Asia. Mark my words this thing is going to be huge. If we thought the IPod was big this could blow the competition out of the water. My only concern is the price. $499 for the 4GB model and $599 for the 8GB model. Expect to pay at least £300 in the UK for the basic model. This could be the only downfall. Hopefully they can drop the price in the future once this thing takes off and manufactring prices drop. So parents start saving your hard earned cash, this is going to be the first Christmas present on yours kids list come Christmas 07.

Bonus Twat of the Month

Late Night Quiz Shows

Where the hell did these come from? All of a sudden they have popped up out of nowhere, I first noticed it on ITV then channel 5, Sky and other digital channels followed suit. The questions are moronic beyond belief but not as moronic as the presenters, the men are spikey haired little pretty boys or outgoing happy fat funny guys who were the fat kids who used to come home from school at the end of the day covered in gob. "25,000 pounds it could change your life just ring in for a limited time only call call call and generate money for our flagging channel". The endless blurb and sad attempts to be funny in order to fill in unitl the next call. The only redeming feature of the whole programme are the women they are nice to look at but if you get passed the layers of make up and hair laquer theres not much else there. Take it off channel 5 and ITV. Put on the a late night movie or prisoner cell block H or even sport from across the pond but whatever you do get rid of these fucking borring, mindless vacuous bints off my telly.

Twat Of The Month

Christmas

Yes controversially Christmas is my twat of the month. It's not as good as it used to be. You end up spending far to much money, you put on too much weight and spend the rest of the year trying to get rid of it, you have to spend time with your family. I don't get as much as I used to when I was a kid. Bring back actionman with real guns, tanks and nazi uniforms. I want my old Christmas back and my Evel Knievel stunt bike, Star Wars toys, Space Dust, Kerplunk, Quattro pop, Stratego, Mastermind (the game with the guy with the beard and that strange vietnamese woman), The Great Escape, Digby the Biggest Dog in the World, Metal Mickey, The Amazing Mr Blunden on ITV, Raleigh Burner BMX, Simon, Slinky, Astro Wars, Scramble, those were the good old days. Perhaps its a sign of getting old, each year it becomes less enjoyable. Theres nothing on TV and the weather is crap. Merry Fucking Christmas.

Hero of the Month

Sir Ranulph Fiennes

Thrown out of the SAS for blowing up one of the sets of Dr Dolittle. Forgot where he parked his Peugeot 203 when stationed in Germany never found it again. In 2000, he attempted to walk solo and unsupported to the North Pole. The expedition failed when his sleds fell through weak ice and Fiennes was forced to pull them out by hand. He sustained severe frostbite to the tips of several fingers, forcing him to abandon the attempt. On returning home, his surgeon insisted the necrotic fingertips be retained for several months (to allow re-growth of the remaining healthy tissue) prior to amputation. Impatient at the pain the dying fingertips caused, Fiennes removed them himself (in his garden shed) with an electric saw (his first attempt using a hacksaw met limited success). He ran seven marathons in seven days on seven continents and all four months after a heart bypass operation.

26th October - Race 1: Patagonia, South America
27th October - Race 2: Falkland Islands, "Antarctica"
28th October - Race 3: Sydney, Australia
29th October - Race 4: Singapore, Asia
30th October - Race 5: London, Europe
31st October - Race 6: Cairo, Africa
1st November - Race 7: New York, North America

He has to special hand-made pants because of the enormous size of his balls.